To all the Single Christian-raised Ladies (“My Husband is NOT My Soul Mate”)

(Originally posted August 6, 2013)

http://theartinlife.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/my-husband-is-not-my-soul-mate/

Had anyone shared this with me two, or even just one year ago, I would have been offended, responding with a fiery and self-righteous rebuttal. But not now. This was recently shared with me on facebook, and I’ll admit that I laughed when I read it, only because I saw myself for most of my life. As a young girl I began writing letters to my future husband. I dreamed of the perfect romance. I prayed and imagined and yes, even made mental lists of the things that I wanted in my future man. I imagined myself as Sleeping Beauty, awaiting the arrival of an almost perfect Prince. I left some room for imperfections* of course, if only to ward off an irritating awareness of my less-than-Aurora qualities.
/*imperfections, of course, defined as “flaws non-threatening to a tranquil, fairy-tale existence”/

But I see now that as romantic as the notions were, and as well meaning this “waiting, not dating” approach began, it turned into something of an idol. Had it stopped at trusting God with my future, it would have been perfect. But, unfortunately, for some time it became the focus of my faith, causing me to put much of my life–and other aspirations–on hold and in the background.

A lot of us have made an idol of casual dating. But a[nother] lot of us from [especially conservative] Christian circles have made an idol of marriage. If we birth the notion that life begins when we meet the right person, it’s going to lead to a life of confinement and limitation. And both these focuses can cause us to lose purpose. Both can keep us fixed on our own ideas of comfort, and on our own formulaic approach to finding happiness. And both will likely bring dissatisfaction, or maybe even pain.

So what’s the moral of the story? Is there hope for a fairy tale ending?

I believe there is a beautiful ending, but it plays out a little different than we imagine. It’s about balance, and about living life in fullness. Now. Today. There’s nothing wrong with the idea of waiting for the right time, having standards, being wise, or preparing ourselves. I still think those things should be lived out! But here is what I’ve learned: The ultimate purpose of my life is not to discover who is right for me. The ultimate purpose of my life won’t automatically begin when I find that person. The purpose of my life is to discover life: rich in God, abundant with joy, flowing over and touching those around me.

I know that if I focus myself enough to do this today, I’m setting myself up to step into unparalleled blessing. Because only if I step into a life of fullness and joy today will I walk in fullness and joy tomorrow.

Now I say this to all the Christian girls who find themselves as I did:
Imagining a life lived waiting for the right man who will lead us to the “right’ life… who will scoop us up from [a den of] animalistic males just to drop us off in [the den of] a home to peacefully raise children… in order for them to follow the same path you’ve trod upon*… it’s not only silly, it’s safe.
*Or ridden over. On that white horse your prince came with.

But I don’t believe Christianity calls us to safety. A white picket fence of safety brings complacency. Complacency brings shallowness, dissatisfaction, emptiness, and a life not lived to its full capacity. And I don’t want that. I want to live every day to the fullest – being the bravest, being the happiest, taking on each day being reliant on God, not any man. So be happy…be full of life..and be full of wonder at the present!

To all my Christian sisters: Listen. We’re daughters of the most High King. We’re princesses–but not ones locked in towers. Yet that’s how some of us live. No, we’re princesses handed swords and trained for battle, sent into life, not away from it. And at the right time, as we’re riding into battle, our roads will converge with another – another warrior riding at the same pace. And when that convergence occurs, we’re not called off our steed and onto theirs. That would just be too easy. I believe we’re called to ride next to them, ever keeping pace, ever maintaining the same city in our sights, and ever fighting life’s battles side by side.

And trust me, that’s going to make for a love story both romantic and epic, with a plot line going beyond cliche.